You are like the sun and I am a sleeper;
Your light pours into my life
no matter what I am dreaming, and
day after day, in such a reliable way,
you dispel the darkness.
Your light doesn’t say, “Look at me!”
But makes it possible for me to see
what’s all around me:
beauty and decay are not opposite forces
or something to either be sought after or shielded from;
but like the sun who makes all things visible
you show me what it is like to be awake.
Getting onto the floor to lie on my belly is difficult after ten years of anger towards yoga and a knee replacement.
Now it s time to roll out the mat again.
A yoga teacher once said that what we gain in yoga we never lose. She said we may have to pull the benefits out of the closet and brush them off if we stop using them, but they never go away, not the core value of each pose anyway.
So I want to develop a routine, because that is what I miss the most about yoga.
Getting up early every morning to stand in Mountain Pose and begin.
Satichananda said that it is better to read one book on yoga and really understand it than it is to read volumes and not absorb the message. I think the same goes for poses.
I am motivated by my muscle memory of how good it feels to stretch.
I am approaching practice with a totally different attitude than I had before.
Instead of feeling like I have to fight for or earn the light, I am just eager to know it’s there.
I only need to appreciate the divinity that is already shining, right in the middle of all the muck.
My self is dissolving.
What if I could trust that love will lead me to do whatever I need to do.
There are 108 beads on one string, a handmade mala that I use for prayer and meditation. It is not made in the traditional way with the big bead and tassel to mark the beginning and end; it is just a string of jasper beads. The only way I can tell if I am at the beginning or end is to feel the rough spot where the string is tied together. No matter how I try to cut and tie the ends together there is always a little rough spot.
When I start to chant, I start at the rough spot and when I get around to it again I know it’s time to stop. In between I can explore the mantra, get to know it, get lost in it or find myself at a new understanding of some aspect of my life.
Today I was aware of the rough spot and realized that very often when I am at a rough spot in my life I am either beginning or ending something. Somehow, just knowing that makes it seem less dramatic.
When I begin my meditation I know I am beginning and I know how difficult it can be to make myself sit still; the rough spot on the mala helps me shake off distractions and focus. The next time I feel the familiar roughness it is a welcomed event; it means I am finished for now and I can assimilate what has just transpired.
I wonder if I can look at the flow of living in the same way. I wonder if when I experience hardship I can ask myself what is it that is beginning or what has come to an end.
When I pick up my mala I feel a reverence for the meditation that follows and when I put it down I know that I will eventually come back to it, again and again and that every time I pray and meditate I am changed in subtle but significant ways.
I went offline for a few weeks,
I moved to a place where the trees talk to one another throughout the day and into the night. Sometimes they speak with so much heart that is scares me a little; there is a palpable level of quiet in this neighborhood that feels like something I enter into to as I would walk into another world with a different set of rules for how to behave. The quiet welcomes me and it has become something that I respect, something that protects and nurtures me. I wouldn’t dare disturb the peace, not if I can help it.
I missed being online and connecting with the friends I’ve made all over the world. I don’t want to give that up. I don’t want to give up the search engines that enable me to explore both micro and macro worlds of infinitely curious phenomenon.
But I pray that I spend time every single day listening to the trees and I hope they’ll know how much I love them.
I hope that when I communicate with friends, they will hear the quiet that I hear and fall in love.